Manni's Travels and Journey

Is this home?

2010-03-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

I’m home… who would have thought that coming here after 16years and every year after that I would call this place home! There is something about Amritsar as soon I my feet hit the ground this is the place I know as home! Maybe it’s a connection from previous lives who knows, the kids didn’t have a clue and the only person who knew was Biji and my dearest Uncle Bawa, and they know how to keep a secret. It was so funny we thought we going to film today but the guys got late with other stuff they were working on so fingers crossed tomorrow is the day, its mad how telling everyone what we need and what’s what when I’ve only just arrived. They’re like “she back” ... my top secret was spoilt by one of the lovely girls Ramun she came to the main office for a check up bless her she’s not been in the best of health but she still has the twinkle that has made me fall in love with the kids and Pingalwara. They are so happy and content with what little they have, in fact they have so much more than people outside their walls, at times you what you wonder what would have happened if it wasn’t for Bhagat Ji? Where would these be innocent children have gone? It sends a shiver down my spine to even think!

Not having the good fortune of meeting Bhagat Ji, their life has touched so many people and legacy lives today! Biji also speaks with much love and when reminiscing about the memories she shared you can truly feel the love that Bhagat ji gave to all even when the children speak about Baba Ji, the love and warmth they feel can be a felt a mile off!

I just can’t thank the heavens above enough to have given me the opportunity of coming again and able to make new memories and be part of setting up the different interventions for the children with special needs…can’t wait!

Count down is well on the way

2010-01-20T07:23:00.000-08:00

Things have been so manic getting prepared for India, the kids haven’t got a clue – I was due to leave the 20th February and now desperately trying to get my seat earlier. We have been lucky enough for Shaadi videography and East West photography to have been commissioned to work with us. They will be in India early February to produce some footage for us to use throughout our media outlets.

That said my heart is so excited to meet the kids once again, it feels it’s been so so long!

It’s also been a rollercoaster ride already, I been so busy working at this college the kids are amazing, they may have a learning difficulty but so so talented and intelligent. It really is a shame that we underestimate the true potential that these kids have. Oh well, our loss I guess that we couldn’t see gifted when we had the chance!

Mum is coming too so that’ll be nice shes attending her sisters daughters wedding, lucky me, will have to hear it again:

“shes so much younger than you”
“you not getting married”
“why you still not married”

I’ll never know why we have to conform into the compartments society sets and if we fall out of those, we are doomed! DOOMED I AM. Its like no matter where I go its like… Hi how are you? You married? Guess I will never be able to fathom it out!

Preparations are well on the way and there is much to get done with charity, the team are amazing and we couldn’t have diverse range of skills coming to the table so it’s going to be a great learning curve for us all and a lot to learn on the way.

New Year New Start

2010-01-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

Couldn’t wait to see the back of 2009 what a heart wrenching year and only the forces above knew what I had to endure on this journey. To say there was nothing to write about would be totally dishonest but I had no zest to write about the things I didn’t love. I had many people asking why I stopped blogging … but no one could understand!

Well it’s a new year and new beginnings, it has already started with blessings, with the idea of having a new charity and going through the process of getting it registered. Dad always said if we were going to start something ever, it must have the word HOPE ingrained, in a place of darkness people should know there is hope when knocking on our door… so with HOPE and how we would like to serve COMPASSION is also connected, so HOPE AND COMPASSION is the charities name. We will provide education and provision for children with special educational need in developing countries and educate the parents and professionals.

My friend Amrit from G5 Dzine designed both our logo and website, I can’t thank him enough for all he did and that to as Sewa (selfless service), god bless him and his work in every way!

As I speak I’m ordering equipment for my sponsored trip that in itself is a story! In October my brother’s friend from Temp Labour did a charity event he wanted me to speak about our work and Pingalwara as they were raising funds. So, hesitantly I went as they had no one else to speak about the charity, I’d just come back from the Gurudwara! Once my 10minute speech was done I couldn’t get out of there fast enough…until I was stopped by a lady who wanted to get involved in the work we did.

To my surprise she turned out to be the owner of a company in the area of children with special needs and disabilities with her own personal story she felt compelled to be part of this SEWA. Progress Solutions then sponsored my trip for 3 months and donated £2000 for equipment to take with me. It was amazing to see God in play and to give me something to hold onto.

So everything began to move forwards, it’s crazy as the agencies who gave me no work a few months back I received 3 calls in the 1st week offering me work. I decided to work in a college which allowed me to pay for all my expenses before I left! Talk about MAGIC.

So with the trip I cant wait to see the kids... and the best part is they haven’t got a clue!

Life turned Upside Down!

2009-08-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve been missing the kids heaps, but the nursery set up is keeping me busy and testing my faith more than I can express. As with the lessons of Pingawlara to let go is the most important thing, Well even more so as I have no control of my life - its bizarre the life I left is no longer mine, my brother sold the BMW I was driving before India, my beautiful Tigra of 10 years also wasn’t well (didn’t have a car for 6 weeks) thank god for friends and brothers, I’m not earning a decent salary (just supply work as and when) so finances are scarce and top it all off I have the pressure of getting married. I’m even getting comments like:

“You’re a lot worse of”
“You’ve gone 10 steps backwards”
“You’ve lost everything you worked for”
“Your going to be 30 what do you have to show for it?”

How can one explain in words that there are no regrets on my side leaving and going to India, I will not allow anyone else to make me feel as though I made a mistake… because it wasn’t, what the kids gave to me was priceless and if the same decision to pack my bags and leave was to be made I would do it not once but a million times over.

You can’t put a price on unconditional love, hugs or kisses…to be loved for possession of nothing is truly remarkable…. To be loved for being there, just being there!

How does one explain my souls cry?

Ever since I’ve been back life has been so difficult God has turned my life upside down and there is no light, in fact I don’t really know what to write about! The nursery is under way I’m also doing a course but it’s not what I want to do… to say I’m unhappy is an under statement. To have material things taken away one can accept Gods will but to have the children taken away from you, where your life is to work with them - That hurts more than anything else, I’m not asking for riches or for materialistic value! All I want is to be with special needs children and surrounded by those who have nothing and no one else wants to touch… is this so wrong?

Is it so wrong to want for another?
So wrong to not want to be married, have a car, a house and a boring 9-5 job at this moment in time!

I’m being judged for what I haven’t got... but only GOD and my dad knows what I truly possess and that’s not even worth sharing for those who judge me without hesitation.

There is nothing for me to write about anymore…

2009-05-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

To us shopping is no longer a luxury, we have money and we can purchase what we want when we want! Our lives are no longer dependent on working for our cash with credit cards and other credit facilities.

We purchase without a moments hesitation. From the days of having a platinum card and dining with friends every other day the swiping of cards became 2nd nature without realising the true meaning of money and shopping. Since I been back from India its about what I need rather than want, personally I feel we no longer appreciate what we have, gone are the days when families sat together and played board games as they had no TV’s so spending time with one another, talking about each others lives spread a lot more happiness and love. I guess when you go to the remote villages they still have the homely ambience, the family feel and most important the principles, morals and values of loyalty, honesty, trust, togetherness and most importantly LOVE! Here in this country and in the more developed areas of India brothers have become enemies, family are torn, parents abandoned and people just want more and more. Why? When the whole essence of life is share with another who is less fortunate even if its without your own home. Its crazy seeing values brushed under the carpet and the drive & passion is all about money, status and materialistic items.

If you want to know the real meaning of shopping take our children. The spark in their eyes just choosing an outfit, or a hair band or any other little things is out of this world. Taking Ram and Jyoti was such a blast as they knew what they wanted…

I pray to God those who have much may your share to really reap the rewards of your wealth as you don’t take it with YOU!

30th in India

2009-05-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Looking back at the photos I remember celebrating my 30th with the kids, it was so much fun! In fact I was so blessed that my mum was there too, apart from my friends back home all those who loved me dearly were there, my children, Biji and my family from home! My Nanny Ma is so cool, she too came to join in the fun, the kids decorated the hall, balloons and ribbons everywhere and dance we did!

Sharing such moments are pictures for life, instilled in your heart which no one can ever take away. Having memories such as these, children running to you to see you, to be missed when your not there is so warming to the heart! For those wanting meaning in their lives and a break from the vicious cycle of what we call LIFE, SIMPLE! touch someone’s heart. If it’s building a bridge with a sibling the so be it, smiling to a cashier at the supermarket or telling your mum and dad you love them without reason!

Anything that you do for someone else selflessly can really touch another’s heart and TRUST ME when I say no one can ever take away the amazing feel and the residue left for many years!

After celebrating my birthday my cousins from Canada fancied Dominos pizza so off we went, it was such a laugh! There were some games which we all played… trying to beat your cousins on a bike with a suit on was a mission but it was great fun!

One thing I’ve realized is … you can live your life to maximum, have good things and work hard along with being content and doing what you loved most!

Balwinder & Pooja

2009-05-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

When I first met Pooja she heard a lot about me from other people and asked whether she could hug me… that’s it from there! There was no going back, she poured her heart out and began to tell me her heart wrenching story, originally from Haryana her husband Balwinder was given acid which as a result blocked his wind pipe and since not been able to eat or drink via his mouth. He has a tube fitted into his stomach and hasn’t had any solid food for the past 6 years, to say they’ve been to hell and back in a under statement. When they left Haryana they came to Darbar Sahib for solace and prayer, and someone mentioned Pingalwara – there they met with Biji who sent them to hospital after hearing his story and examining him she sent him to hospital immediately. He was admitted in hospital for 6 months and after all the tests and check ups, received a 16 hour operation after three days this proved to be unsuccessful. His food pipe and tube for breathing had amalgamated together making it impossible to operate which could result in death.

So when Pooja told us the great news of her pregnancy last year you’d think they’d be overjoyed that a life would bring light and happiness into their dark lives…

But to my horror she had been advised to abort the baby as she would not be able to support or look after as she has a sick husband. When a person is at such a cross road God introduces and cements relationships which we don’t know about at the time. With the right guidance and advice, she kept the baby and it was a beautiful moment to be part of! To know your part of a decision that could have been so detrimental and painful!
To see the baby born into this world… was truly heart warming; this is what I call life! To help another in their time of need! Like dad always said:

“Be the 1st to give your hand when someone needs help”

When I arrived at the hospital there were many women but Pooja’s journey has been that of pain and a lot of heartache and seeing the twinkle in both their eyes was a memory to be cherished for life!

Who is Paul Parji?

2009-05-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

Well… let me tell you, he is the most gentle, warming and compassionate man you can ever come across. He gave me strength when I was weak, picked me up when I was down and yet says I was the one who gave him reason to live. When they say you attract only what you put out, Parji (brother) is most definitely a person I would want to attract lifetime after lifetime, he has served with Bhagat Ji for many years and is still a loyal worker at Pingalwara. He is has many roles but for me he was god sent for our children, he did all the painting and art work without any hesitation, the kids also love him and they run to him shouting PAUL PARJI, PAUL PARJI!

People were shocked to why he did all the work as when they wanted to get things done from him it was impossible…well my first encounter with him was at Baba Ji’s barsi in August 2008, I was being interviewed by an journalist and when mentioning my upbringing and dads love & guidance Parji was melted. With tears in his eyes he didn’t need to say anything else, I knew our relationship was to be for life and my place is in his heart had been cemented.

Time and time again I see pain in his eyes and he has many stories and heart wrenching situations to tell but he loves the children and keeps himself to himself. Many a time I told him to get a phone as I wanted to talk and touch base his response:

“Does God have a mobile phone?”

That melted me, and when I was in the UK he dreamt about me telling him off for not finishing the painting…so I guess we can still communicate without phones, computers and modern technologies – we at times forget there is a high consciousnesses above all else, which delivers messages from many different planes.

Haveli Jalandhar

2009-04-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

Taking the children to Haveli was amazing, we had such a blast! They loved every second of it; the staff were incredible they remembered me from the year before! They were both helpful and understanding, so much so they made additional provisions for us, they put on a couple of shows (puppet & monkey) for us which was out of hours for them.
I would like to think by bringing our children out in the open people are more receptive and welcoming, although it’s a long shot not being stared at or given dirty looks. But I think we are well on the way to showing society at large that our children do exist and we are no longer ashamed or hiding them away, if you have a problem TOUGH!

Being from the UK we have more back bone and confidence to get our own way, with determination and effort we don’t accept defeat so easily and I think this is one of the attributes that has lead to both intimidation and intrigue. People want to know who I am and where I’m from and then ultimately who my children are and where they are from…

That is society - my children…Well they just loved to be out! Have a nice meal and then to top it off have an ice cream at Ansel Mall! To my amazement there was an incident with the teacher where a shopper yelled ‘URGH’ they smell (to my children) without being confrontational I approached this particular woman very well groomed and educated, politely asked her if she had anything to say about my children… DUMBSTRUCK that I approached her she was silenced! She will I’m sure think twice before she utters such words about anyone’s child.

It is such a shame how some educated people frown and look down upon those who are less fortunate than themselves…They forget the one thing that I was taught:

IN THE END…WE ALL BECOME THE SAME…ASHES!

No matter if you’re a High profile business person or a maid.

I’ve also known those with little are the most happiest so the question arises:

Who really has the pot of gold?

Holi - Festival of Colours

2009-03-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

It was my first ever Holi, the festival of colour. I was under the impression that the kids played with lots of colour every year this however wasn’t the case! They were given some colour and played within their individual hostels! Well that was about to change, we ordered bags of colour, water pistols, water balloons and not to forget the big tubs! It was crazy and so fun to be part of!

The best of it was the kids expressions, smiles, laughter – Is was beautiful and to top it all off it was so heart warming t o see the special needs kids playing with everyone else, this again for the 1st time coming together without hesitation! It feels so good to be part of breaking the divide between the kids from the hostel and my special needs. Its not at all their fault but their environment and the staff that are employed from outside Pingalwara, they need to be de-sensitised to the fact that our children with special needs too do what all the other children do, from playing with colour, to dancing, from singing to playing games.

I remember the time when Gopi from the special needs school was going to give Gagan a hug, Gagan moved so fast and her face pale, when asked why she reacted in such a manner her response: “I was scared?”

But scared of what? This is what results are achieved when children are not exposed and educated.

My reply : She's smiling and so are you...so there is NOTHING AT ALL to be afraid of!

1st time EVER!

2009-03-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

Their first ever view of Darbar Sahib In six years Sona and Mona have not once been to Darbar Sahib (Golden Temple) even when I was here for 6 months but to convince Biji but it was so difficult, she knows better than anyone about the crowds and their reactions. So after the 4th request I stopped asking, but in my hearts of hearts I wished I could take them. Then after more persistence I was allowed and my wish granted although they weren’t allowed Inside the main hall, that was good enough for me, at least they were able to come. They were so excited and spirits lifted they were on top of the world and it was my blessing to be part of…they actually said:

“Didi everyone has promised for years and years but you were the only one who took us”
PRICELESS!

Back with the Kidz

2009-03-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

What a feeling to be with the kids especially when they didn’t have a clue I was coming, it was so so touching. My cousins from Canada were down too and they were totally blown away by the kids reaction. I’m staying at the guesthouse this time it felt it was the right thing to do and the girls also have exams. Haven’t really spent much time with them most of my time has been spent with Sona, Mona and Chetan naturally as they too reside here in the guest house. The work has continued and the teachers are so great they are eager to help and develop these children which so vital. To have the right staff is absolutely imperative, so it was a true blessing to see the work being carried out. Biji even has them working extra hours in the sensory rooms for the little ones from the children ward, they love it in there. I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart my dear friend Sandeep and the Philadelphia Gurudwara who sent the tactile tub from the USA. It was so cool to see such toys and that will aide the kids senses too. Its amazing what a piece of foil can do – we’ve sown the seeds and time will tell how they will blossom…Cant wait!

Well my main reason for coming back was to make sure the kids knew I wasn’t another person who was NOT coming back, loving them for set amount of time and never returning back to see them. I know its cleche’ to say I told them ample times I am in their hearts forever but it’s the truth and they needed to know I would be back and I am.

If I’m honest I do feel disappointed that I wasn’t given the chance to go back for good but then God has a plan and its not always according to what we want and think we need. Guess God has a much greater advantage than us mere mortals who are just trying to makes ends meet.

I can only thank him from the depth of my soul for giving me this opportunity in the first place, for allowing me to experience unconditional love to its rawest form that I can cherish for the rest of my life.

Another huge life long lesson and been about (trying to) surrender to his WILL, at times this is very difficult and I’d be lying if I said it was mastered… far from it! The mind creeps in and becomes normal rather than spiritual and then questions everything about life and its direction.

I am trying to use this back home too but it’s a lot more difficult especially being in the environment I am and the people I am working with. The only way forward is I am doing HIS work and if he chooses to put obstacles in front then so be it. Its also made me think about my perspective about life, whilst here it was as though I’d accepted my life and not wish to settle into a married life and giving my whole life to the kids. Taking Chetan away for the few days the realization was I wanted the motherly feeling permanently not just a few months in the year but I still don’t know what the plan is.

That said I remember the kids running as fast as they could when they saw me again, had to tell them all to calm down make a queue and that hugs, kisses and love are never ending and enough to go round. Giving them hair clips gave them so much happiness it was crazy – what seems a little gesture to us means so much to them.

It was crazy Gagan is so obsessed by me, it so funny she has my photos plastered all over her walls in her room, she kept so many little things I gave her, empty chocolate boxes and boots witch hazel bottles, body and hair products MAD, but it means so much to her which maybe I will never be able to appreciate.

My 30th and new Job!

2009-02-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

Well after getting my guidance from Baba Ji, I’m both shocked and pleased to say that I am now helping to set up the nursery for the Guru Nanak Nishkam Education Trust (GNNET). It was so refreshing to hear the vision about what Baba Ji’s wish for the Nursery and the Education for our littlens, a care provision with a Universal Sikh ethos. A nursery which instill values and nurtures qualities such as compassion. Duty, Strength, a sense of community and Leadership & Nobility. This nursery will be the first of its kind based upon the Sikh principles.

Baba Ji teaches us:

“It is only through elevating the mind of the individual that it is possible to transform human society itself. The mind is an immensely powerful took with the capacity to be either one’s best friend or indeed one’s worst enemy. The mind is both the nucleus of the Divine power with infinite capability as well as the site of the hidden enemy that can propel one towards greed, cruelty, lies, selfishness, arrogance, hate and condemnation. It is the cultivation and empowerment of the spiritual mind that creates inner peace which, when collectively marshaled, can lead to peace in the family, the community, the nation-state and the entire world. A spiritual mind is conditioned to undertake self-analysis which entails a process of self-regulation and accountability. It does not have to be subjected to policing and external forms of regulation. It seeks an alliance with the Divine that helps champion the cause of sustainable peace.
Unconditional heartfelt prayer, with utter humility, is the greatest tool available to assist the mind. When imbued with godly attributes, a connection between the Creator and the creation is established. This allow us to realise that, in diversity, there is unity”

With such teaching and guidance I feel blessed to be part of such a project…

Although it my birthday on the 24th we celebrated on the 21st and Gurudwara celebration on the 28th as I’m leaving the country to see my babies on the 2nd march. The party was so cool, like me best mate bally said it was different parts of my personality sitting on the table, 25 of my closet friends and family were there and I wanted something intimate! It was so nice as my friend Anne came from London too, we went to the gurudwara too where she advised me to carry with the blog. I didn’t know what to write as I was no longer with the kids… but let’s see what the year has in store.

My beautiful mum shes my strength and courage to be able to what needs to be done, Dad being inspiration mum has supported my decisions even at times raged about them but always come through for me…

Patience and Acceptance

2009-02-05T02:24:00.000-08:00

All my previous students and work got allocated to different tutors so work is very slow, but thank god I have the agencies. I’ve only been back 10 days but it feels so long without my kids, it has been so difficult I even got my first letter from Gagan and few days ago, what a little beauty she is – giving the bollywood dialogues about trying to live without me and she cant cope without me… kids LOL!!!!

Her words took me back in the moment of her head on my lap whilst I was reading my books, teaching her to mail, putting oil in her hair - I first got there her hair felt like straw very rough and dry it was so funni I used half a bottle of baby oil and her uniform had a huge oil stain when she got back from school the following day, then she looked me straight in the eyes and said:
“Didi you know for the 1st time in my life I know what its like to have a mother, you have given me so much love I LOVE YOU”

I too know the true meaning of unconditional love and being a mother to many…

It’s been fantastic being surrounded by kids with special needs, in a school with structure – but I remember my own kids more and how different the education system is here. I’ve been thinking about setting up projects and placements in Pingalwara with student and the younger generation from the USA and UK, think the younger lot need to realise how fortunate and blessed they - Nowadays (sound like an old bat) well kids take everything for granted. After everything I witnessed they should thank god for a loving home and loving parents and everything else is a MASSIVE BONUS ..It truly is!

I’m still awaiting for direction on every aspect of my life, its feels that acceptance and patience are the qualities God has me practicing at the moment which is really hard to swallow. Thank god for brothers they been helping me out big time, I’ve noticed when god wishes to teach you a thing or two he will also give you the tools to utilize to help you along the way, so as much as its been tough its also been a time of reflection and an opportunity to accept my current predicament.

I’m turning 30 on the 24th before I left, me and the girls had discussed going to celebrate in Europe somewhere, my good school mate sarb also turned 30 in December, so she wanted to do something too… My heart however is going back to India, my mums making plans to meet with her brother from Canada so YES you’ve guessed I am going to meet my babies… I cant wait and it give me something to hold on to, its gonna be brilliant and the best part if I’m not telling them at all!

I’ve also been in touch with all my friends and Biji, they are my extended family, I cannot believe how people can love and embrace you like they’ve known you all you life.

What beauty ... BEAUTY in its truest form

Human Spirit - my message

2009-01-15T15:55:00.000-08:00

Since being back it’s been difficult trying to adapt to the pre India life that I left behind, again it feels like the same people, same life and mundane routine. Missing the kids so so much especially when I got home last week, miss them more than I missed my family when in India. What does that say? How difficult is it to feel your not part of the family you left behind, have no job and no car (brother sold the car) even no home if you look beyond the bricks and water.

I was really emotional 1st week even joined a couple a agencies 2 days later simply to be surrounded by kids, LOVE EM, their energy, that said think I was forcing the will of God to hurry up as nothing is happening for me at the moment. I’m waiting to see Baba Ji and see where my life will go…which direction…which path, but not allowed to know the answers just yet. I’m not a on downer but very alone and subdued… so low and behold just when you need a lift or a message from God my brother sent me a link. I think I don’t need to say anymore…

This guy is amazing, makes us reflect and truly believe that there is a bigger purpose to life. It’s just trying to understand what, when, how and why …

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

What an inspirational person with a soul immersed in the love for god and Jesus.

This is an amazing video on the power, courage and sheer determination of the Human Spirit. If you ever thought you had difficulty in your life, if you ever felt disadvantaged in some way, take a few moments to watch this. It's sure to be an uplifting inspiration...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MslbhDZoniY

God bless Nick, he is a reality check for every person on this planet.

I gifted his picture to my mummy and brothers… to remind us if he has fall and get up a 100 times why cant we????

What do I say?

2009-01-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

Good bye is a word which fills the heart with sadness and ends a chapter of my life at Pingalwara. I cannot afford to think like this as this is most definitely the start of a new journey, the beginning of new relationships and the start of something beautiful ready to blossom.

The kids were very emotional, they hugged and cried with the thought I would never come back. My friend Mandeep from the USA donated some money, it was the last outing of my beautiful six months and did the kids love it, I’d promised these girls and they thought I’d forgotten … how could I have? When they didn’t.

On my last day we gave out chocolates with the money so it wasn’t all tears, thank god for shades!!!

Guess it only hit me when I reached the airport when Navneet gave me an emotional farewell… so much so I was overweight by 30 kilos and they didn’t charge me because I was filled with tears, couldn’t even speak… (great way to not pay)

My life is very much a plain canvas paper to where god wishes to place me. Don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. But by god does my mind wish to take control and send signals all over the place. Sometimes trying to be still can be challenging when every direction of you life is not in your control.

I have to admit coming back here to the UK it feels so out of sync, everyone seems to be stuck in this rat race of life and this is not what its about, SURELY NOT!

It cannot be after everything I have experienced, miss my kids so dearly its only been a week but I’m ready to head back especially with Biji’s proposal but I need Baba Jis guidance and blessing to see where I need to be placed. Life is hard without my kids, my mum is even finding it hard to deal with it! I feel so disconnected and torn between two worlds.
Who knows where my life is going now, He has written my next chapter, we just don’t know till it happens. Nothing more to say …
I know in my heart of hearts this is not the END

THIS MUCH I DO KNOW…

Love you and Goodbye ...for now!

2009-01-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

You could really say I have adopted a new life here, a huge extended family with crazy little kids, the sewadars as mothers and the God sent friends here. Its been so great, I’ve been eating out a lot too so probably put all my weight I lost back on! Having friends from back home, USA and Africa was a true blessing, it was so cool to them my world and life here.

Pooja (expectant mother) and her husband!

I can see myself living between here and the UK and my life here has become more meaningful in terms of what I want from my friends, you need people with positive vibrations who lift you when your down and help you towards the light and not to mention when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Sandeep who provided the light and sound for the sensory rooms - GOD SENT!

My very close mate in india NAV!

Love you guys!

This dear friend is both deaf and mute always at the Darbar Sahib giving out paper bags, I used to take Parshad (holy food) for the kids. Never did a day go by where he did not shower me with his love and hug! WOW...

So blessed to have such friends both here and back home!

I’m sitting at the airport and filled with different emotions, How crazy! When I left England I cried and now when leave here in tears, the girls were really emotional too and a friend came to give them chocolates and sweets and sent me the following text:

“U are da richest gal on da earth, being loved by children who have neva been loved by ne 1 is the biggest earning to me, children who don’t even care 4 parents are crying 4 you”

My biggest blessing is I came to pingalwara as a SISTER and leave as a MOTHER. What more can be said of the relationship I share with my babies?

No one can ever take that away from us – just going to miss them so much.

1st Impressions...

2008-12-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

We did some assessments and training in both the soft play and sensory rooms, WOW! What impressions – I think the photos will say more then I can ever express words. Words are meaningless.

This is Jeevanjot - a completely blind child reacting to light truly mind blowing!

Shanti a little angel with learning difficulties, growth problem and speech impediment loving to play freely!

The power of colour and light with a child with Cerebral Palsy

1st Impressions of their new soft play room and man do they love it.... and so do we...

Party and Inauguration...what fun!

2008-12-28T14:58:00.000-08:00

What a crazy time it’s been we had a party on the 21st Feb and then again on the 22nd it was fantastic! We eat loads of cake, danced and took 100’s of photos – the children loved it and the most amazing part was the special needs kids dancing with the normal ones and this was such an achievement as the so called ‘normal; tend to exclude that part of their family when is no need whatsoever!

But that is down to the adults and their ignorance, if I do come back that is one of the things I wish to dispel the lack of communication between ALL the children. Have to admit the special ones were more up for it than the norm’s lolz! They were dancing and adventurous which is so much more fun and we loved it.

I was also told ten minutes before the health minister was coming to do a speech if was told earlier would have prepared something but it was so cool, my first speech in Punjabi and it was no longer Tutii fruit (tutii futti)!!! Needed to keep thanking God for his blessings and to keep me grounded not to mention humbled. The health minister of Punjab Laxmi Chawla came to inaugurate the rooms and creative spot were the ones who deserved all the credit for all the hard work. They donated their time and skills and the results were amazing! Can’t thank them enough for what they did god bless all their team Sumeet, Rupinder and the lovely artist!

What words can express their love and time for their work... the whole of the education and play room was their concept and my kids loved it!

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart and for touching my soul not to mention that you confirmed the FACT that God does REALLY control Everything!

Inspiration

2008-12-24T16:18:00.000-08:00

As mentioned many a time my father is my biggest inspiration, both strength and weakness. The way he leads his life, his mere presence is a blessing, people often comment that there is something about dad which is beyond words. This I have seen, where people are overwhelmed by his vibration and energy – well dad is just my dad.

Thinking about my parents at the time of recognition...So when I’ve been credit, compliments and recognition it goes to dad and God, it is with their GRACE that I’m here !

A girl from Pingalwara studying architecture started to re-vamp the greenery outside the hostel, we started talking and suddenly she said:

“Well, if you can bring a world to the ward, the ocean, planets, starts, forest so why can I not change this? You are the inspiration?”

Wow.. I was dumbfounded

God wiling this radiate to everyone so the children just keep gaining and gaining, one of the reasons for this blog was to give strength to those who want to serve but cannot for whatever reason, always follow your heart and if it’s the right direction God will guarantee the blessing to make it happen.

Thanks Dad love you always!

That said after living here for 6 months I truly admire and respect Biji, regardless of the opposition and negativity, she supported me throughout my stay. She has a lot to manage within the organisation and extremely busy but she always has time for the kids. The money spent on the projects was also authorised by Biji when others said NO. I cannot express my gratitude towards her. She trusted and with Gods grace pleased with the results, guess a lot of people did not know what we were trying to achieve and were understandably apprehensive and felt it was an alienated concept but in the end it was crystal clear. It was always for the kids and for them I would do anything…ANYTHING!

Biji asked me to come back within the month to start on the other projects and she too knows what a difference it will make on the kids lives! The improvement within the special needs school, well it would be my utter pleasure I love the kids and can see myself settling here but the rest is in Gods hands, whatever he may have in store only he knows the bigger picture and controls everything in it!

One things for sure I will always have a lot of LOVE for biji and she advised me many about different things but one piece of advice I will share was:

“Not all members of the family are the same, just as your fingers on your hands”

HOW TRUE – it helps you when you try to deal with different people and situations!

Come back in a couple of months…

2008-12-19T21:05:00.000-08:00

In fact we’ve been training the staff to have sustainability when I leave and Biji came to view the rooms a few days back. She actually wants me back in a couple of months time, she said the special needs kids will be neglected and no one will know how to work and have the maximum impact - so what’s the use of spending so much money?

That said - it was the perfect time to mention the idea of the hydro therapy pool, I was completely in tears when she said yes! “Do it as the next project” she said, have to admit if it wasn’t for Biji’s support, all this would not have been possible. She has been the blessing and backbone of ALL the work. Not to mention Bawa Uncle Ji one of the administrators he has also been imperative in terms of providing for all that was needed…. LOVE EM! These three uncles jis gave me so much love.. so much Tilakraj Uncle, Rajveer Uncle and Bawa Uncle! Thank you!

God knows what he has in store for me but I wasn’t expecting this to come like this. Paul Parji (the amazing artist) even said “the kids needs you – you must come back” It was so emotional and Biji gave me the biggest hug and blessing. I truly love her, she’s just great and to give me permission for something unheard of in Punjab was…well what words can express?

That now really throws my idea out of the window opening my own thing to what I wanted and my way. Guess upstairs have something else mind, won’t dare mention this to mum til I get back even my brothers apart from the eldest (Tosh Parji) he’s just my rock in every way e already knows he he he They would provide me with a house, a salary and the responsibility to run the special needs school.

Before any decision can be made I need to see Baba Ji and seek guidance (as per any major moves in my life) It feels that this is my calling the kids, the poor and needy,I can surround myself in their love for the rest of my life. My life is longer about the 5 people in the UK, its about the larger family I have adopted, the larger family who God has blessed me with.

Completed Projects!

2008-12-19T19:30:00.000-08:00

We also completed the softplay and sensory rooms – they look amazing! This will make such a difference to the kids lives and a step in the right direction where communication is concerned. Stimulation of the senses is vital when teaching children with special needs and this will aide the staff in language. We also made sense boxes touch, smell and gear it included crazy items which I bought from the Indian market had a blast getting it together but on a more serious note it was to show staff how simple it was to have an impact on different senses if they really wanted to.

Well … do you remember the dull children’s ward the empty walls and no life! Now that was then and this is now… what a transformation, we had themed rooms and I will let the photos do all the talking!

The rooms were all the same and all the wards in the complex look identical!

The bedrooms:

The Playroom:

Corridors and Outside Area:

Food Area:

I think you get the GIST!

Princess Room

This was the girls room, we wanted to give them their own space and make it look really girly. The morning after the first night I asked Jyoti how it was and she replied:
“I was in the sea playing with the fishes, I love my new room”
Wow…. That’s when it confirmed we are onto a winner, this room took over a month and trust me when I say it was a mission! People here did not know what we wanted to achieve and the impact colour will have on the children so many obstacles where thrown my way! But it was just my test in faith and not to mention God!

So when the room was completed I needed permission for the whole ward... its so funny how I remember it so vividly. Biji saying “well its taken you over a month so just do another room as you don’t have enough time” I was like Biji no… trust me just sign the document and support me and this will be completed by the time I leave! Looking at the sky… Don’t let me down I said as walking out of Biji’s house with the piece of paper.

Space Room

This was the Boys Room it was so cool literally.... just need to put some glow in the dark star

Ocean Room

This was a nice healing colour and we wanted to give a sea like experience hmmmm

Fruits and Veg

This was such a cool area where the kids eat and then can look and the different types of food

The Forest

Not only was this a theme but it brought so much life into the ward - soon as you walked through the door!

Life In India...

2008-12-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

I’m sitting in crystal restaurant (my new hang joint) sneezing away, I would not have had a chance to write about the last couple of weeks - so it’s thanks to my mate Preeti who had to go home I’m able to write a update.

Preeti is a friend from Africa and we’ve been chilling out nearly everyday – she stopped the night too which was real cool and the kids were teaching her the alphabet in sign language it was so sweet to watch. She has come for her Mama’s (mums Brother) sons wedding which I too have been invited on the 26th speaking of weddings also went to Navneet’s Massi (mums sisters) daughters wedding, Indian weddings are mad – they start late and end even later and Indians will always be Indians so so funny! You know they don’t let the girls dance here, wow if someone told me I could not dance at my brothers wedding me, my sister in law and mates would tell them where to go lol! We danced for 5 days solid it was crazy! Wow… thinking about the wedding, family and friends seems such a distant memory. Yea I know I’ll be with them in exactly 15 days but I have found the true meaning of life - TO SERVE OTHERS!

To become one with the person who gives you breath – that’s the true essence of the soul!

Helpless..

2008-12-19T17:00:00.000-08:00

When I heard the saying many a time that God could not be everywhere so he gave us mothers I guess I really never appreciated the dept of such words and the powerful attributes God has blessed a mother with!

An incident took place where a child was sent to another ward, I knew another truth and was heartbroken, I went to see him and was so emotional in fact beside myself but gathered strength when sitting with him. After a little conversation it was time to leave he grabbed my hand screaming Didi (sister) don’t go, please I beg you, I want to go with you – I had to let go of his tight hand grip! Imagine a child who cannot walk crawls and cries behind you – and you totally helpless and cannot do anything.

That’s when you realise what a mother endures, as a mother I could do nothing for my son, then needed to go to Darbar Sahib and sit in the presence of God and let go of all my emotions and beg for strength and love. WOW...i cried for 4 hours non-stop it was far too emotional and definitely heart wrenching, we both got a temperature too, a true soul connection .Guess I now know how much our mum suffered and sacrificed, love her so much more – I remember when I was a few years younger she always used to say:

“You’ll find out when you’re a mother”

Guess I found out much more earlier than anticipated - the true meaning of a mothers strength and acceptance of Gods will – At time it’s the most difficult and daunting of tasks. We can never repay our mothers or parents for all they do for us, in my eyes our parents are the epitome of God himself as Baba Ji have always taught us:

“Our Mother is our first Guru”

Fishes in the water!

2008-12-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

Things have truly been amazing at times I don’t have words to describe the feelings I get when I’m around the kids. To think in around 10-15 days time I will no longer be with them.

After their baths in Chandigarh Jyoti and Chetan started arguing about who’s mummy I was, the understanding of my departure and leaving also started with the kids last month and the following example is emphasised everyday, so they know that we are truly connected with the hearts not just physical form.

The water surrounding the Darbar sahib has many fishes, so when the fight broke out I asked them how big it was?
They were like Vadoo very big and huge (expression with the little tiny hands) and the how many fishes in the water – again lots n lots…. So mama’s heart is the water and you are all the little fishes so there is room for everyone.

This is also repeated like a mantra to the little ones so when was asked Jyoti where’s mama? She pointed to her heart chakra and then told me where she was… in my heart chakra. Bless her the last time we to Darbar Sahib she named most of the fishes with the different children’s names. It worked – but she obviously and herself the biggest fish… lolz.

The same example was used with Simran and she took it quite literally she just pointed at me, my physical body – bless kids they are so innocent and truthful.

Chandigarh ...

2008-11-30T04:27:00.000-08:00

Things have been crazily busy here and my heart sinks everytime the thought of going home… mum even asked whether I’ll be able to live back in the UK.. the answer is truly NO but I will accept where GOD places me. These kids have truly instilled a place in the dept of my soul and our relationship is truly the beginning... you know the amazing thing is they know call me MAMA I’ve been promoted! The little 3 year olds come into my bed at 7am snuggle in with their cold hands and feet, till the breakfast bell... who will do that when I leave here?

Who will knock on my door 20 times to say good morning, kiss my cheeks with cold lips.. but I’m thankful for the time I have spent and the wonderful memories I have!

Happy Birthday to my little brother... he’s 27 now, wow how time flies and how much I love him more and more as the years go by! Remember how we used to hang out (was cool once upon time not any more) and we used to make cards for our dad and drew pictures of how we would help the world…ahahahahaha dad kept every little piece of paper from when we around 3 years old.

It’s been a mission organising a weekend trip to Chandigarh with the special needs kids but it was worth it! We had an amazing time and the kids love every minute, we went to this cool place Haveli in Jalandhar and its makes you laugh how people feel they have to stop and stare – got to a point where we were like wanna join us for a cuppa?

Anyway… on the Saturday we went to satbir Zoo what an enjoyable experience to see the kids expressions and reactions when they saw the animals! We then went onto Sukhna Lake there we chilled out and even had a meal, my friend Sandeep was also down from the USA he was a great help and the kids loved him! Some of these kids have never been out like this, even Pushpa was touched by the whole experience, well who would have the time to take her and her siblings?

The sewadars and teachers were amazing and really helped out where it was needed, I think its really about working together as a team and no hierarchy even though one person has a the responsibility for everyone its vital everyone chips in to make it fair and inclusive. This is truly what these kids need new environments to both learn from and enjoy, people here feel that such kids cannot move forward but then if you don’t ever TRY you will never know…

Whilst at the lake you could say two of our boys went walkies. 1st is was all about letting go – Gods will but then as time when by 10 mins , 15 mins and then 30 min that when I seriously got worried. Even after an announcement no joy! You could say I began to have palpitations and my mind began to wonder. At that point I made a soul wrenching plea to my dad, me and dad have this beautiful connection that where ever it maybe I can call for him and guaranteed he is by my side wherever in the world he is. Dad is more than a father so whenever a disciple is in trouble who comes to mind – the master. So no word of a lie 2 mins later literally I got a call from one of the teachers that they boys had been walking towards the bus, tears rolled down my eyes and then Pushpa even stated – she was relived for me just as the other staff. They are thanking god - my name and self respect (IZZAT) is in god’s hands. Whatever impression or misdemeanors he wishes to inflict on me SO BE IT but all I know I needed my kids back safe and sound and my plea was answered.

So who says you cannot communicate to those on different parts of the world, universe or dimensions???

I feel complete with these kids when changing Chetan or mothering Jyoti (it was one 2 one support), I was given the opportunity to be their mother what a blessing! No one would take the responsibility with Jyoti as she has brittle bones, you can understand the fear and apprehension but its not impossible – we have been out on many occasions and with Gods blessing nothing has been fractured or broken.

Nothing is impossible – YOUR mind makes it!!!

Choices

2008-11-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

With not long to go now I can step back and truly realise what GOD wanted me to learn about myself, like my brother said:
“These children helped me to love from the depths of my soul,

which I never knew existed”

In the tough times (trust me there was enough) emails, comments on the blog and loving words from friends and family helped me through! One email from my younger brother had me in tears and I could relate to it 110% and felt it needed to be shared. ENJOI! Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.The father continued.'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?'I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.' Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.

Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circledthe bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay' Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!' As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home! 'Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Helping INDIA to see…

2008-11-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

As mentioned briefly we had a mega eye camp at Pingalwara and MEGA it was! An orgainsation named Give the Gift of sight has been involved in many missions around the world and this was India’s good fortune to receive their gift. WOW… I was left in awe by the 25 strong team from all around the world, USA, Canada, Germany and Italy they were all dedicated, compassionate and so friendly, they were so loving to all who walked through the doors. They started on the 5th but then we were due to go on the 7th but what I saw in the couple of days before and the 3 days after was complete and utter selfless service. The numbers had doubled even trebled and the system in place and the resources were in full flow and the smiles and hugs were too! Their moto with conviction was sight is not a privilege but a right, how they believed this and gave the poor and needy people of Punjab the gift of sight, their numbers reached over 14,000 what a commendable sewa they all did and people were refused as the grounds were over crowded. Our kids warmed to the team and they also made friends, the team wanted to adopt and gave heartfelt goodies – even I got some candy!!! Personally this gave me the boost I needed, as its been a tough few months as you know and it was so refreshing to see others give and give they did… they were on the go from 8am till 6.30pm and there was no stopping them. A few of the guys didn’t even sit down or only moved from their post when it was lunch time, the driving force of this whole event was a lovely guy Dave and he had much love and reverence for Biji on the 2nd to last evening with us they were honored and he had no words for Biji and what impression she left on his heart. If he didn’t say another word thereafter he eyes and his aura said it all! What a guy and what a team he had, he lead by example with his right hand man Paul who also gave and gave! He provided sunglasses for my little ones and never sat down either… he even had a soft spot for my Gagan... guess she has a special spark that everyone loves!

An ocean of LOVE

2008-11-15T13:08:00.000-08:00

So much happening here at the moment its truly amazing, I was in the midst of unconditional sewa soaking up the vibration .The mission Give the Gift of sight a group of 25 doctors from round the world came here to pingalwara to set up an eye camp 5th-17th and gift they did I will discuss this separately (a few lines will not do justice).

What words can describe my experience here at the Special Olympics in Ludhiana… There was an ocean of love, ocean of unconditional laughter and the hugs and kisses were never ending. I was truly in heaven, Yes people may say it but feeling and experiencing it with every cell in your body was a different thing altogether. These children fed my spirit in ways words cannot describe, people here in India give status and respect to those with academic knowledge, money and titles but the TRUE VIP’s was GOD himself ALL 300 WOW what a picture. I went as a guest so to speak and was even going to be treated as one… VIP and all!!!! What a bunch of bull if one is to use such words… There were around 300 kids all with disabilities, I wanted to be part of them, be part of their experience and that’s exactly what I did! I remember in Barcelona Anandmurti Guru Maa giving us a definition of religion:

“just by looking into the ocean you do not feel it, only when you jump into the ocean you feel depth of the water, the moist on your skin only then you can become one with the ocean”

A couple of family friends (brothers) from the UK were here too and joined us in this fantastic event. This was definitely one of my highlights of my sewa here in India, we had 2 days of purity, innocence and unadulterated love. What an impact I’m truly grateful to God for the blessings he bestowed on us to even feel that we were worthy of such service. This is the way forward, this is the only way I know you can enrich your lives and truly evolve and move closer to HIM, this has been experienced to its fullest form trust me! The kids are truly blessed and like I said GOD manifested in their bodies and feeling God in every essence mind, body and soul was truly soul touching for many reasons.

It wasn’t about winning or losing their efforts could clearly be seen, their happiness just getting to the winning line... ok I cheated a bit for my children by shouting and screaming, I noticed that they were loosing as they had no sense of finishing or recognised anyone… so off me went in my dodgy kashmeri look and just gave everything I had… Not forgetting the others kids so we just screamed and shouted at all the children so they too could finish, they too could win, they too are AMAZING…

Got myself a bit of a rep and the kids flocked me as though I cannot find words to describe (as I look into the fields of greenery on the top of our house in the village) ok lets try again… they loved me so much and were asking their teachers to approach me for a hug, that was all I had to give - unconditional, limitless hugs and kisses and this is all they wanted… Love is one thing that can never run out EVER! It’s like a bottomless well that gives water and has no way of stopping itself giving water.

Saturday was cool, the kids were invited to a cultural show and there was music and they danced, being part of the dancing was so much better than watching what was on stage as the kids loved it! What dancers and movers we have among these delightful souls, giving us so much joy and happiness. When it was the last dance I was the only adult on stage first I was just enjoying watching them and then a surge of want…a surge of needing to feel more and be part of them

It was great, then the kids remembered me the following day and did the hugs and kisses come overflowing. One little boy came running to me and touched my feet and gave me the biggest hug what can I say? they kill me with the limitless love, it was overwhelming I don’t feel comfortable when kids touch my feet so to confuse them I return their gesture and they don’t know what to do with themselves. Bless them! Never had an adult touch their feet but why not? Are they not worthy of giving us a blessing?
Of course they are …they are God in human form or human form of God who knows!

Another fond memory was whilst the VIP’s were doing speeches (we were suppose to be listening) one of the kids from the night before started doing some bhangra in the middle of the field where everyone was doing their thing, it was just me and him doing some mad moves and his facial expressions were priceless and he touched my heart. He just danced those moments away as if the movement was meant to be and flow of energy timed perfectly for that moment...just me and him!

Another elderly woman just wanting to dance and kiss me!

On the last day we were taking photos like there was no tomorrow and the workers also requested if they could take a photo...why not… Are they not the children of the divine flame? They were collecting chairs and women old as my mother were calling me “madam” and that I should sit on the chair. Would I not give up my chair for my mother? Would my mother call me ‘madam’ err think not would get a slap… ahhahahahah no seriously I sat at their feet and we clicked away! that’s what its all about… putting a smile on strangers faces and knowing you were part of it. What a blessing.

We were also invited by a loving family to their beautiful home, it was amazing their SARHDA (devotion) could be felt a mile off and they requested many times that we only have tea and it would be their good fortune that the kids came to their house… Those on a spiritual inclination could never deny this offer so how could we…!!! Regardless of the obstacles faced we were welcomed with open arms and hearts only to find Guru Granth Sahib residing in their home and they openly admitted all was his blessings. Mirza their son was one of the volunteers appointed with our group and serve he did I think he got more than he bargained for too… so God bless us all on this journey of realisation.

What deep conversations we had at the railway station…who says you need to be in a particular place to talk about GOD and SPIRITUALITY! I don’t know what God is doing but one thing is for sure he is showing me love at the deepest level and who knows where this will lead.

No longer do I want the rat race of life even though I loved my work back home – now there is a higher calling, a purpose – HIS PURPOSE. Haven’t got a clue where I’ll end up but if the kids are with me he can take me to any corner of the world and just shower his blessings like he has been.

What an experience…

Rays of Light and Softplay Heaven

2008-11-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

After updating the blog I realised there is another 2 months here and so much to do, I’ve been crazily busy and wanted to meet mum at Hazur sahib for the 300th celebrations but was unable to do so due to the sewa. One room in the childrens ward looks amazing, the artist Pall Uncle has been in Pingalwara from birth and his art work are his children and the love for the work can be felt let alone seen a mile off! He left me speechless and mind blown when he finished the water carrier picture, it was half done when we went to the games and he completed it. My eyes and a big fat hug for him must have expressed what I felt for him and his work. I know what this will do for those innocent children, it can be felt as soon as you walk into the room, no longer are the walls white and lifeless, no longer is the ceiling dull and boring and no longer are my children’s lives colourless.

Thank you god so much for making me part of this realisation that if a child cannot see the world bring the world to him/her. From the depth of my soul I thank you for making me part of this long lasting happiness that will hopefully remain for years to come.

The other two projects Rays of Light (sensory Room) and Soft play heaven (soft play room) are still under way. The Indian way of working is much different to ours but I guess one has to adapt and accept. It’s coming along well but we just have to have the patience to believe and allow, remembering the early stages of the project when God tested me to such a degree that I needed to surrender, this still applies to all the aspects of the project and every part of my life now.

God has not relented since I have been here in terms of spiritual growth so with all the other challenges this was another that had to be overcome HAIR LOSS. Yes I’m looking more and more like my brothers DAMN! we all going to like the Kojak family. I’ve been loosing clumps of hair for the past month and yes lost around half of my thick curly hair and those who know me …know how heavy it was! My brother told me to cover my hair due to the loss of moisture and roots gone very weak so when buying some head scarf’s and bandanas it was emotional and realised at that point what my good friend must have gone through. But she needed a wig and was under going chemo at the time, but the heart wrenching part was I had no one to hug me or kiss me better.

The hair loss had got worse and then a friend suggested seeing a head and scalp specialist and whilst there call it coincidence if you may … I don’t know, but there was as medical assistant from Iran who was listening to our conversation and my reasons to why I was here in India he then said the most touching thing I’ve heard in a very very long time:

“In the Torah the Jewish Scriptures there is a Jewish belief that there are

36 angels scattered in this world and look like normal people.

You are one of them without a doubt”

I was gobsmacked this guy didn’t know me from Adam and yet shared something with me so profound.

I’m also ¾ of the way into the book THE NEW EARTH, wow… this has been my helping hand throughout – its realigns a person to what is important, the need to be in the moment to feel, touch, see with such depth that you connect to deeper consciousness that is GOD or Being like he says. You could say bringing this into my daily life has proved a shift in my energies. When I see my children and hug them… it is just me and them no other, their little hands in mine, their tiny little lips on my cheek wow what intense depth that I was not aware earlier.

I remember meditating and one of my babies was on my lap opening my eyes she was looking straight through me she opened my heart and that moment, that moment I knew it was God blessing me. We say flippantly God is everywhere and in everyone but when we are aware and living every moment as though it were our last only then we can realise the true meaning of a beautiful LIFE!

My roomies...Gagan (Right) has spent every night in my room since being here and Daljit the past couple of months far left is the lovely and pleasant Laxmi

We also spent Diwali at home during the day dancing with the kids and then evening at the Golden Temple it was a truly amazing Diwali the best maybe, as I was with my kids and the firework display was out this world which you can see and well I will let the pictures say the rest…

Touching the Soul...

2008-10-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart my friends, brother’s friends and sangat (congregation) who have donated money for the kids. I can’t begin to tell you the profound happiness and uplift my spirit receives when we are out and about. . My mate Juggy from the UK was also down and stayed with us for a few days, what a laugh it was – we went out with the kids, had a water fight and got their eyes checked too (very basic test) it was so refreshing for me to have someone I knew around.

In India when there are celebrations Darbar Sahib gets extremely crowded and people push and shove one another like there is no tomorrow, so taking the deaf and mute children would in itself be a challenge especially if they were to get lost. I’ve noticed that the is such a divide with the so called ‘Normal’ children and they feel they should not include those with disabilities but its not their fault they have not been taught any better, this is why we are here to love and educate them. So the kids that got left on Gurpurab all 12 of them, we decided to take them to Pizza Hut.

There was a lot of laughter and signing, this man was watching us (well everyone as but who cares) he came over to us and asked me who these kids were and gave us some money for desserts! How amazing was that just made me realise that there are many good people in this world but you only attract them when the time is right and when God wishes.

We also went to Darbar Sahib and now being here so long I have made friends with the Sewadars (volunteers) and they know who my kids are so they let us go in the fast lane so to speak. So, Ram a beautiful soul who has polio told me his story and I wasn’t expecting it at all but I guess going there brought back memories for him

“Didi, this is where my mother left me,”

Those words just stopped me in my tracks as he went further…
“well mum brought me here and I didn’t think anything of it, she then said she was going to get my little brother, but she never came back. It became dark and one of the Baba Ji’s (old man) took me to Pingalwara where I have been since”

With a lump in my throat I did not know what to say to this lively, bubbly and crazy child… so diverting the topic for both of us was best, so clothes off he dived in to the Sarovar (Ambrosial Nectar surrounding the Golden temple) and what a soul touching moment.

Dharam Shala

2008-10-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

After reading the Power of now I have most definitely learnt the importance and value of the present moment, why worry about yesterday it has past? Why fret about tomorrow as it has not come? The mind is bound by time and this moment, right now, right this second as your read this is all that matters, this timeless, limitless and the mind has no control of it! So with this mindset I let my remaining journey and life unfold itself. This led to letting things flow in surrender to HIS will and what a blessing. During the interfaith conference I met with some amazing people who are the reason I ended up in Dharam Shala wow, I can tell you I would recommend it to anyone its 4 hours away from where I was and it felt like a new country and the air was spiritually charged as Baba ji would put it, surrounded with monks and people who are looking to connect with the deeper consciousness.

We did some shopping which was like respite after the few months I’ve had and thought about the family a lot – wish they could have been there to share the experience. We also had the pleasure of meeting Kesang Y. Takla (Mrs) the minister of the department if information and & international relations for his holiness the Dala Lamai and it was a great feeling and what history the Tibetans have and the heartache surrounding the Chinese, but one can only pray that God shines his light on people and countries as Jesus said “Forgive them as they know not what they do”. Whilst we were shopping I got a call from my friend Victor from Scotland who said we are meeting his Holiness in 5 minutes GET HERE STRAIGHT AWAY!

Wow… I always wanted a photo with His Holiness and I actually thought he would be at Hazur Sahib as there was a major conference in Amrtisar last year too where he attended. As I let thing unfold accepted that God knows what’s in my heart, security is extremely tight here at the temple and at his home which is totally understandable so our mobile phones and camera were taken away, bags and body searches were done! But it was worth every second, to see His Holiness was such a blessing and all the books and passages you can truly see an enlightened spirit in physical form touching so many thousands of lives.

We were only there for a couple of days and my batteries recharged and it also topped off the conference especially when going home (well Pingalwara is home for now) to work on the projects.

Compassion (Daya)

2008-10-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

The main subject interest for me was compassion, who knows why but since coming to India, I feel the whole concept of compassion needs to be imbedded in every person otherwise the darkness surrounding us will consume us individually and collectively. Seeing God in all is vital when serving the children, the poor and needy.

“If you cannot see God in all, you cannot see God at all”

Yogi Ji from the USA had given me their personal business card (this was engraved on the back) when I was 17 years old and today the realisation of its true meaning has dawned on me, seeing the God in everyone, I know its difficult at times trust me I’m going through my tests and battles both within and external. Reading Eckharts 2nd book A NEW EARTH (recommended to all seeking a deeper meaning to life). He talks about ‘Being’ in the presence this only takes place once one has detangled themselves out of the unconsciousness mind and EGO state and when finding yourself in a state of negativity, anger, resentment, blaming or in grievance when seeing another person, the emotion is within US only US we need to look within us Jesus said ‘why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?’ Makes so much sense.

I am reminded of such a saintly person who served at the time of our Gurus who clearly set the example to the true meaning of selfless service, compassion and seeing God in everyone.

“No one is my enemy, and no one is a stranger, I get along with everyone. The entire humankind should be recognized as One”

In 1704, Sikhs were engaged in a battle, facing hostility from the moghul authorities as well as the local chiefs. The Sikh martial tradition was not to convert, plunder or gain territory, but to uphold just and humanitarian values. Whilst having all the courage and the skill of a soldier, one must also have the wisdom, compassion and understanding of a saint. Amongst the Sikh forces, there was a water-carrier named Bhai Kanhaiya, who was entitled to serve water to the thirsty and wounded Sikhs in the battle. Dressed in white and carrying a water pouch from his shoulder, he tended to the injured and dying without distinction. Infuriated that he was helping the enemy, his fellow Sikhs reported this to Guru Gobind Singh Ji, who summoned Bhai Kanhaiya Ji. When questioned about his actions, Bhai Kanhaiya humbly said that he saw only the Guru’s face or God in everybody and in his heart he was giving water to the Lord. The Guru, deeply imbued with compassion, blessed Bhai Kanhaiya for acting in the true Sikh sprit and gave him bandages and ointment to heal the wounds of the enemy soldiers as well. In this way Bhai Kanhaiya should be considered a precursor to the Red Cross. The Sewa Panthi organisation that he established continues its selfless work in his memory to date. Bhai Kanhaiya encapsulates the Sikh teaching ‘no one is my enemy and no one a stranger; my companionship is with all alike’. He embodied the Godly qualities of Nirbhau – not living in fear of anyone – and Nirvair – having no hatred towards others.

Interfaith Hazur Sahib (GNNSJ)

2008-10-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

The Sikh Gurus Message to Humanity
Respecting world scriptures & living up to their message

What a powerful concept bringing each others scriptures to highlight the similarity and differences of such beautiful religions.

Baba Ji have been instrumental in putting Sikhism on the map of world religions and I remember Barcelona at this stage WOW, what an experience – the air was spiritually charged, the love was permeated in every corner, Langar was served to thousands and most importantly we were all equal and serving one God. What memories!

It was brilliant to receive the blessings of the sangat and Baba Ji these past few days, it was great to speak English with everyone too. The conference was amazing in it allowed all religions to come together to celebrate the Tercentenary anniversary of Guru Granth Sahib Ji, it was a space where people from all walks of life, religions, race came together for one purpose Guru Granth Sahib Ji and its universal message to all.

The Divine scripture (Bani) is the embodiment of the Guru, and the Guru is the Divine Scripture, with the Divine Scriptures dwells the Ambrosial nectar. When the disciple humbly accepts and obeys the teachings of the divine scripture, the Guru in his true from becomes instantaneously manifest and emancipates the disciple.

There were many letters of greetings from all leaders from different religions I selected the following to share:

Humble salutations to Guru Granth Sahib Ji, whose divine guidance has been our constant companion over the last few centuries. In this 300th year which marks the bestowing of the Guruship to the Guru Granth Sahib Ji, we are reminded that there are no adequate words to express our gratitude to the Shabad Guru’s Benevolence, grace and compassion for all. Indeed, we are immensely fortunate to have such a repository of divine Wisdom with a unique universal message that we are able to share with our brothers and sisters of all faiths and cultures. To the estimated 25 million Sikhs worldwide, this is a most auspicious occasion and we congratulate each and every one of you. For those engaged in whatever capacity in the preparation, celebration and observation of this historic commemoration, we owe our heartfelt gratitude.

As finite beings, it is impossible for us to fathom the infinite wisdom of our Guru’s message to humanity. No individual can adequately translate this message only Gurbani is best ever to explain Gurbani. Everything that is encapsulated in the separate scripture is precious and it is our life line. What pervades and shines through Gurbani is Naam, the Divine Name. The Guru Granth Sahib begins with the sacred words: Ik Oankar, describing the Oneness of the Creator; the concept of Sat, truth; and the Naam. This essence of the Creator is expounded throughout Gurbani until the closing verses. Within these lies the salver of scripture, Amrit Naam, the Ambrosial name, contemplation upon which ensures our happiness in this life and beyond.

This is a time to rejoice, to imbibe and awaken the essence of the creator within us, to harness our latent divine values, so that we can generate both inner serenity and outer peace. Peace and cohesion within the family leads to peace and cohesion in the wider community, nationally, internationally and globally.

This 300th year is an opportunity for all us to take stock of our human frailties, and to cease blaming, condemning and judging others. We need to commit ourselves to panthic and the wider community’s ekta, seeking sarbat da bhalla - everybody’s welfare.
In God’s service,
Bhai Sahib Mohinder Singh

Harmony among our different religious is essential for world peace. In order to develop genuine harmony, it is extremely important that we cultivate genuine respect for one another. We need to encourage a worldwide sense of pluralism among our faith communities. Religious differences should not be grounds for antagonism. Religion should be the basis for friendship, brotherhood and sisterhood. I believe that people with religious interests have special responsibilities in this regard and I am impressed that on the occasion of simply conducting your own celebration, the Sikh community is taking this joyful opportunity to hold an Interfaith conference.

On the one hand, all religions counsel forgiveness, patience and compassion and ways to cultivate them. These are practical qualities that are of great value in creating a dialogue that we can share with other. On the other hand, as we all know, it is an unfortunate fact that religion is sometimes the source of conflict. When this is the case, the cause more often than not is ignorance and misunderstanding, and the fear that result from them. I believe each of us can contribute to countering these shortcomings through engaging in active dialogue with members of other faith traditions. I have no doubt there is much we can learn from each other. My own experience has taught me that there is enormous potential for mutual enrichment in the dialogue between Buddhists and other traditions, especially with regard to ethics and spiritual practices, such as the practices of love, compassion, meditation.

For some time I have felt that the following measures can help us to nurture understanding and harmony an-among different religious traditions, and thus promote peace and security in society. We should convene frequent inter-faith meetings among leaders of different religious traditions so they can share their spiritual experiences and insights. We should also promote meetings of scholars to discuss and study what they have in common, rather than what is different, among various religious traditions. Finally, and perhaps most important for the far- reaching effect it can have, we should encourage an increase in contacts among the followers of different religions and visits to each other’s places of pilgrimage and prayer. I firmly believe that if these steps are taken, the general public will develop respect for other religious traditions. This, in turn, will help to promote harmony in society.

It is in this context that I give my whole- hearted support to efforts to advance understanding and dialogue among religions in the hope of strengthening peace among them and thereby consolidating peace in the world at large. On the auspicious occasion of the Guru Granth Sahib Tri-centenary, I offer my greetings to everyone attending and participating in the Interfaith Conference being organized by my spiritual brother Bhai Sahib Mohinder Singh and his group. I pray that the fruits of your exchanges will be far-reaching and long lasting.

The Dala Lamai

Attending the different seminars enabled me to take different elements that made sense to my life at this moment in time… they came from the various speakers from all different religious denominations.
“Love is the most important at all stages beginning, present and End we need to project love and compassion in every part of daily lives.”

“Emptiness, from that state leads to enlightenment”

2 wings of a bird love and compassion (Buddhist) this really resonated with me as we have been brought up with the same concept from Baba Ji that SEWA (selfless Service) AND NAAM SIMRAN (The Divine Name) are like wings of a bird you cannot have one without the other, they both bring Humility and Spiritual awakening.

We have shared wisdom through the scriptures and similarities, God infuses each of these scriptures as transcendental interpretation of God the sharing of scriptures can shine the light together. We need to understand there are similarities and acknowledge the differences.

“There are sharks in the ocean of comparison that doesn’t mean we cannot swim in them”.

Heaven sent SAINTS...

2008-10-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

What words can encapsulate the divinity and legacy of Guru Nanak Nishkam Sewak Jatha (GNNSJ) and its founder Sant Baba Puran Singh Ji, as briefly mentioned Vadai Baba Ji as we respectfully address them arrived in Kenya 1917 and lived there till 1874 and arrived in England. Here Baba Ji founded the Headquarters of the Jatha in Birmingham and they left for their heavenly abode in 1983. Growing up listening to Vichar (spiritual experiences) about them they were truly the epitome of Sikhi and they lived an exemplified Sikh way of life and beyond. Their Jot (Flame) was then passed onto to Bhai Sahib Norang Singh Ji who we address as Bhai Sahib Ji they too upheld the legacy and life of Vadai Baba Ji. Their love touched thousands of hearts and gave so many hope and light which was truly a blessing from beyond – that’s when you realise that you must have done something right in a past life to be blessed by such saints. Even when they told us off - the love, hugs and those 3 gentle taps on our head were WOW a stamped memory on our hearts.

I remember the time when my little brother was very hot tempered (still is at times) so whenever he went to receive blessings and did Darshan, Bhai Sahib Ji always made a point of asking “pani pitha gusai thunda hoga gya’ have had your intake of water? And has the anger cooled down? My brother is now 27 and still to this day reminisces of those times with them and the love we felt from their gestures, speech, and their whole life was again the of the Sikh way of life the way the our Guru’s taught.

We are now blessed with the divine blessings and guidance of Bhai Sahib Mohinder Singh Ji since 1995, Baba Ji have played an integral part in our lives and blessed us with much love and guidance. Their words to this day resonate with us and we try and live of life under their wing – I remember the time during my A-levels and Baba Ji spoke in much details about secularization in the world today and then I went on to do my degree and Masters with their blessings, in my Masters I was reading the area of disability and spirituality, they gave much insight to the subject of spirituality and religion, Spiritual being the substance and religion the ritual. You cannot have the later without spirituality otherwise it just remains a ritual, done without essence or meaning. The analogy of operating on the brain was given - to get to the brain you need to cut open the skull and this is a similar concept to that.
My words to not do justice to the history of our saints and GNNSJ all one can say is that the light of such kindled spirits have been life changing for many and will remain to be for many many more years.

Settled and Loving it

2008-09-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

I can actually type that I LOVE IT HERE! Yes it’s been difficult and there have been times when you think your time is up or you’re the wrong person for this! Oh yeah, nearly forget to mention I burnt my leg so been in bed for another week, had a huge blister on my thigh and before the skin underneath could heal a little cute 3 year old (not at the time mind you) hugged my leg and burst it, the pain was excruciating and it was like vibration through every cell of my body! You wouldn’t even inflict such pain on an enemy… but that said there was additional time to spend with the kids and put things in place. Me and Kamal (the other girl from the UK) have both been working on structures to be put in place once we’re gone, I have to admit she is amazing in creativity she cooks, sews and so active!

I feel a lot more settled and mobile, getting to places is still crazy but you can only laugh with how people are in a rush like their lives depend on it! It really tests your skills in patience, with that said I’m getting to know the surroundings, people and Amritsar itself. I’ve also had meetings with different people about the sensory room and art work in the children’s ward, so hopefully when I am back from Hazur Sahib on the 30th we can get our teeth into the project. I met with a lovely aunty the principle of Spring Dale school and she is helping with contacts and work that is needed from the local area, one has to admit that being a different country without the economical and industrial knowledge stumbling blocks are near and frequent but then my reasoning is this is Gods work and he will provide both the resources and people in his time not mine.. So with that in mind, its Gods problem not mine… sometimes its great to surrender!

Parji also recommended an amazing book which i‘m currency reading The Power of NOW by Eckhart Tolle – it’s a brilliant read so far and I’m only on chapter 5, it talks about how the mind is bound by time and time being an obstacle getting closer to God and the Light, the energy is for NOW not the past or the future! I will be relating much of my experiences to this book putting the theory into practice can only lead to a more enriched spiritual journey.

There is a poster on my wall:

‘SUCCESS IS ABOUT THE JOURNEY NOT JUST THE DESTINATION’

How true…

Innocence and Purity

2008-09-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

Listening to the beautiful Kirtan (singing of devotional hymns) at Darbar Sahib on this Sunday morning, I notice a boy sitting around 10 feet away from me…

As I watch him questions arise in my mind

What was he looking at?
Who was he smiling at?
He was communicating, but with whom?

To others he stares into an empty space,
To others he’s an abnormal child a mental child

But those eyes were us something else, what was it?

What would I have given to be is eyes and mind, what a beautiful imprint he left in my heart, he left the spot after around 15 minutes but as I take in what I saw I cannot but help replay his actions in my minds eye.

Only if we had the answers,
Only if we knew,

Then we can feel and know what true innocence and purity is.

Without suffering man forgets God …

2008-09-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

You see and feel a hell of a lot, living here the complex of Pingalwara and one things I have witnessed is the work being done by the workers in the girls accommodation, day and night they work and they all have a different story to tell. A few days ago me and one of the sewadars (workers) began a heart to heart conversation about her life and the irony was that her daughter came to the accommodation with her class mates to work on a project about Pingalwara a day later, Coincidence I think not …

Her story…

My husband used to work privately as a home guard for the police and in 2005 he was diagnosed with throat cancer and passed away two years later. God as my witness I lived every moment serving him my life was his and we tried to get him the best treatment possible. God blessed me with the running of my house and I still to this day don’t know how. My 2 brothers also passed away within 6 months 1 had cancer and the other in a motoring accident they promised to look after but they too left my side. My eldest daughter was 16, son 13 and my youngest daughter 11 years old , at this point we had no way out and we all even contemplated suicide and ending our lives once and for all, my husbands job was private and they did not give a damn. When your husband is no longer with you and you have no money, you can imagine what I have to go through. We live in a joint family where I live with 2 of my sister in laws, not even your relatives come forward to help they all become strangers overnight

We has to start afresh my eldest was in +1 (year 11 in high school) and had to leave school after her 1st term as we could no longer afford the schools fees. She started working for a pharmacy earning 1500 rupees a month (15 pounds), her employer suggested that she start a accounting course then she got a job in the computers at the same place, she now has more general knowledge than the doctor (she says proud fully with her eyes gleaming). Someone then suggested that I apply for a job here a Pingalwara they took my interview and I got the job.

.My daughter still works for the pharmacy today and is studying to become a air hostess, it was her fathers dream for her to become air hostess, we took a loan and now she pays for this with her own salary whilst I run the house with mine.

To me my children are my life and I don’t need anyone else especially getting married again - they live for me and I for them. From a young age I have learnt to budget so God has blessed me the honor of not having to bow my head and beg anyone.

I have learnt that without suffering man forgets god and without suffering you cannot be tested to attain the ultimate which is GOD himself.

All is his WILL.

Blood ? What blood relation???

2008-09-09T08:12:00.000-07:00

There is another branch of Pingalwara in Sangrur and there I met 54 year old Pushpa…what a story she had to tell…but could only tell me briefly - you could see the pain it caused and the anguish whilst replaying her life!

I used to live with my in laws and then had news of my mother passing so came to Amritsar to live with my sister. All the ancestral property and business was in my name so my sister decided to register me as mental and not worthy of the property. She convinced professionals to give me electric shocks along with medication to make sure my mental state of mind was definitely affected. My sister then took me to my brothers house where my brother has also passed and I lived in Chandigrah with my sister in law, she took me to some satsangs (religious gatherings) and I received blessings from Guru Ji and they took me in and looked after me. After a while my appendix began to play up and then I was sent to my sister in laws house, then she and my sister made a plan and dropped me at Pingalwara, I didn’t have a clue where I was going and nor did they tell me…

I have no children and my husband didn’t know what was happening and where I was, I found out he passed away while I was at Pingalwara. All the property is now is my sisters name and I cannot do anything, look at my age – I am just wanting to live my remaining life in prayer and devotion to Guru Ji.

Makes you feel sorry and pity those who go to extreme levels to attain materialistic things without any fear of GOD!

Acceptance...

2008-09-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

Missed the kids immensely and when I arrived here the feelings were definitely reciprocated you could say I very much doubted and underestimated the impact that my mere presence had on these children. Again, lying in bed with a bad back and tummy that’s when you actually question why the hell you’re here!!! It’s been so emotional where I cannot hold back my tears as the pain has been excruciating and the peace of mind non existent especially when you cannot do anything, haven’t felt like writing anything on here either!

That said, had to snap out of this which was very difficult as it was affecting the kids, I’m only human and the strong emotions took hold of me… and those who know the power of emotions will certainly know what I am talking about!

It came to an abrupt end when my tears were then passed onto Pooja who clearly thought I was going to die especially after seeing her mum pass away, 2 brothers killed in an car accident and loosing her daddy to tuberculosis… she was sobbing and then clung onto to me as though I was going to leave her... how could I have done that? Blamed god first to why he is making me so ill … but then told by me beloved brother that it was a mirror image of my vibration which made so much sense.

Its been a few days now since I was unwell and what a difference health can make to mind, body and soul… still have to take it easy but I’m driving now which has made it so much easier and the roads are crazy!!! We won’t even start with the Rickshaw and the dreaded 3 wheelers… but what an adventure!

The heavens have recently opened of late which has resulted in major floods around the Punjab we even drove past an area where 25 villages have been destroyed, mother nature is definitely sending us messages which we need to take note before its too late! Me and the kids took advantage we walked around the whole complex feeling the cold water on our skin and drenching our clothes, could not thank God enough for the rain and enjoyed a good soak…

After mum left she mentioned on numerous occasions how much the kids love me and vice versa and how heart broken they will be after I left, so asked God what can these children be left with? What can light or hope can be ignited? What can we possibly give them that will remain after I’ve leave, yes its early days and there are another 4 months but they are innocent children thirsty for love and affection. People from all walks of life come into their lives and leave… so with the messages in order, there was a strong pull to recite devotional hymns (kirtan) with them, what an amazing connection, they pray every evening at the complex Gurudwara (Sikh temple) so for a few days we did the kirtan think they were taken aback that I actually knew what I was doing, to be honest was very much out of practice. It was amazing to hear the little ones humming away and the elder ones singing the words once we were done! They even got their harmoniums out the following day and wanted to learn it themselves… this did not cost any amount of money, was not materialistic but a gesture from my heart to theirs that we will always be in each others hearts for years to come.

We also had some great news, the wards are very much plain white and look like hospital wards without an ounce of colour or life, when I’d enter the children’s ward my one wish was to bring colour, to give these children a glimpse of the outside world!!! We were given permission, so work will begin in the next few days and we are all looking forward to getting paint everywhere and more importantly having fun!

We were also given permission to set up sensory room, God has showered his blessings today he really has, this will do so much for the children with cerebral palsy they will be able to communicate with colour and light! We cannot wait to see their faces and experiment, friends in U.S will now start raising some funds and Pingalwara will sort out the discrepancy… Again this will be such a milestone for the children, not to mention future recommendations - to have a soft play room and hydrotherapy pool!!!! That would just be the topping, icing, chocolate and strawberries on the cake, it would will be a breath of fresh air, essence and quality.

I’ve also been attending school and WOW what a difference a simple DVD and projector can make, where their days would drag and now after practicing their sports for the special Olympics, my students get a chance to watch DVD’s of their choice… the Indian version of SHREK is greatly amusing! Whenever they see me now they give me a round of applause I have to keep looking round to see what they are screaming at... until they bombard me, one of the them nearly knocked me out he was that happy and the other pinched me so hard he nearly bruised me! Guess I’m used to the violence too, their ways of telling me about time… we been waiting ages for ya!

I feel much better and cannot wait to see what God has in store, its like our life is canvas and we do not know what he will paint next, where his brush will strike or what colour… all we can do is ACCEPT and ALLOW.

Little Miracles...

2008-08-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

I’ve not been well last couple of weeks, doctor’s order - to rest as I had torn stomach muscles due to the roads. I knew something moved when I was jolted 10 inches in the air on the 3 wheeler oh well! I‘ve had enough of being battered and bruised by such drivers that I have now bravely taken the on the roads of India… its been such an adventure and now hoping and with Gods blessing to have my own car where we can take the kids around more freely and more frequently and a heartfelt thanks to friends and family who have supported me - will love you always. I’ve also been at home and hoping to go back to pingalwara in the next few days (can’t flippin wait - miss the kids so much). Mum’s been here too so that’s made life a little easer but life back home seems very surreal compared to the world here. When you have no choice but to rest, reflect and analyse you begin to question what type of life you have been living. What is reality and it feels as though you’re torn between two worlds physical and spiritual so in limbo til gods decides further. Mum visited pingalwara and was not happy with my ling conditions and the motherly instinct came out with vengeance and orders to come back home INSTANTLY not to mention the fuel filled questions about why was here… whats compelling me to stay here? You have such a comfortable life back home why?

How could I possibly begin to tell her about the love and passion I feel from the children, and the only way was to show her as no words could describe the intensity of what I believe here… and it worked, Sona and Mona asked for some sunglasses as they wanted a pair like mine, so I told mum to give them and then she realised why I’m here, she had tears in her eyes and said only now...only now I understand why… we should appreciate what we have…Wow... I couldn’t believe it was the same woman demanding me to come back home and that’s the power of unconditional LOVE.

It was also nice for mum to celebrate Rakhri here in India after 30 years, makes you realise how much your parents really did give up!

It was the my first time where I was not there in England, that was tough but then my brother said “its not about a thread around the wrist its about the deep bond we share in our hearts which is eternal and for life” gosh man… what could you say to that? My brothers are god sent but they are the ones who can kill you with words and melt you at the same time!

My Amazing family (my brothers and nephews)

One such story which will be told separately about a brother who sold his sister ...

We also visited Pingalwara on the day of Rakhri and everything has already been ordained which we know but this was another day about the heartfelt wish of children.

Gagan had spent most of the week making for me a rakhri which was so heartwarming i‘d never had something like that made for me and this was my first rakhri.

The girls in the hostel had made Rakhris for brothers they did NOT have and in hope had been awaiting anxiously all day for someone to come. I had come with my cousin and they requested whether they could they could tie it on him he was such a darling he had no qualms about it and even said God willing I will come again next year.

Its little miracles like these that make you speechless!

The reasons for this BLOG...

2008-08-13T23:47:00.000-07:00

There are many questions that have been asked both by the media and people in India to why I am here. I would like to make very clear that my purpose for this sewa is not for praise nor is it about the ego, there are many other people in this world who are far greater, humble and deserving of credit. So I take none for what has been written in my fate and what I to come, I have been blessed with my fathers wisdom so conversing with people of age is due to my father otherwise having such knowledge at my age is unheard of unless one has been blessed by kindled spirits.

The reasons for this blog is simple, if one person just one person can have inspiration and then follow their dreams then this blog has achieved its purpose. My life is about giving light and spreading the action of love… not by mere words but by living by the principles I have been brought up with. If I wanted fame and money my family would have married me into the rich families who promised would never have to work for the rest of my life or maybe even taken up opportunities that came knocking on my door again materialistically based… but this was not my path!

The children here are thirsty for love and if I can try and quench it for a little while then why not… why not bring smiles to their face and twinkle in their eyes…

Cute Little Chetan

There is no need for me to say anymore I think the photos below speak a thousand words and show the reasons why I am here…

Sona and Mona Conjoined Twins

Beautiful Tanu and Simran

What a week...

2008-08-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

What a busy week it has been and I spent my first weekend here at the complex. I know I keep complaining about the weather but its challenging and difficult, I was speaking to my elder brother and mentioned how helpless I feel when I’m surrounded by anguish, pain and heartache, to know you’re a little fish in a huge ocean I wish I could do so much more. I now question myself “how much difference can I possible make?” my brother advised the need and importance to remind myself these too are Gods children and they will be provided for, it is HIS will it always has been and remain to be.

I have much reverence and respect for kindled spirits like Bhagat ji, Mother Theresa and the mothers with maternal instincts who serve selflessly without condition they permeate love from every cell in the body and not to mention touch and change lives on a daily basis.

Nevertheless, God did bless us with cooler weather so getting things done was a lot easier and much more enjoyable. Shopping as always is great fun and the girls had a great time choosing although at times they got rather overly excited but that was to be expected. What I did find is that the girls became quite selfish by not sharing with those who have a disability or cannot talk and hear. I noticed there are groups of friends which also exclude, which is such a shame as they should be one big family but I guess this, is part of growing up. But do the other girls with a disability not want to look pretty? Do they not wish to spend time and get dolled up? Well this is exactly what I did with Daljit, gave her a mini make over and the her expression of love was just as wow… she was on cloud number nine as everyone told her beautiful she looked - new suit, earrings, hair and make up done!!!

She then woke me up the following day signing hair and make up - it was amazing to see and to be part of! How one little gesture can make such a difference to a personality and I’m hoping to frame some of the photos and gift them so they remain a wonderful memory for us both.

I actually met with the lady who brought her to Pingalwara and what a story,

Daljit lived in a family of nomads and her home along with the rest of the nomads was set on fire, she escaped but her parents, brothers and sisters were burnt whilst asleep, she was wondering nearby with only 16 rupees and the rest is history. She always has a welcoming smile on her face, talks 100 miles per hour when you can understand and has many stories to tell all by shouting and signing. She has given me so much joy in such a short space of time and her love, hugs and kisses are truly heartfelt.

As expected the more time I spend here and new people I meet I am getting a true glimpse of what Pingalwara is on many levels, the heart wrenching stories and the pain surrounding all corners. The stories pierce through your heart like a hot knife to butter, some women victims of rape who have given birth which has resulted in mental instability, another was sold by her brother resulted in a 12 year punishment regime to pay the money back, how families have not supported those who have lost their parents and left them at Pingalwara and I’m sure there are many more to come to surface. One such case is of Pushpa a 21 year old breadwinner who has experienced pain that we were up till 3.30am one night (the full story told separately). I was at darbar sahib and I saw a frail old lady lying on the floor, where was her family, children and husband? Where are the loved ones at her time in need? I guess I could not imagine how people could abandoned their family members or leave them at Pingalwara – but seeing this lady definitely gave it a sense of reality that these things truly do happen and are taking place on a regular basis.

The longer I am here the less I miss my family I know this sounds strange, I love them all dearly but I am beginning to realise the purpose of life. No longer is making money a priority and no longer getting married and having children is the be all and end all, god has a plan for everyone who knows that plan – the key is to surrender to his will and allow life to take its course the way its meant to.

A couple of newspapers wanted to write an article about why I am here I wish to clarify the reasons for this sewa and for the blog separately. I would also like to thank my friend Sandeep from the U.S for sending a donation for the kids along with DVDs and other bits and bobs to keep us all occupied his friend and family were completely dumbfounded by the hot the weather especially the little ones who were very hot and bothered bless their hearts.

Bhagat Ji’s 16th Death Anniversary...

2008-08-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

It was my pleasure to be part of the grand celebrations, Bhagat Ji’s life reminds me a little of our founder of Guru Nanak Nishkam Sewak Jatha, Sant Baba Puran Singh Ji.

How blessed are we to have and serve such great saints who truly live the way our Gurus have taught. Who serve endlessly and selflessly with great compassion and humility, I have seen many people serve but who serves god with his high consciousness connected? With Baba Ji’s teachings and my fathers principles we have been taught from a very young how first and foremost to become good human beings, spiritually inclined and then embrace religion to enhance that spirituality this is a universal message for all, no matter what religion.

Bhagats ji’s life was not about recognition from man but love for the sick and lifeless, he did not differentiate in gods creation human or animal and when deserted he immediately prepared a grave and initiated a deserving respect of death. His love for his first child Piara Singh became the epitome of what Pingalwara should stand for and its purpose. Bhagat Ji chose to be surrounded by the lowest of low, sickest of sick and poorest of poor. I remember a shabad by Guru Nanak Dev Ji (I don’t have Punjabi font but certainly give the English translation)

“Nanak seeks the company of the lowest of low class, the very lowest of low. Why should he try to compete with the great? In that place where the lowly are cared for – there, the Blessings of Your Glance of Grace rain down.”

To witness such celebrations maybe I underestimated the impact Bhagat ji had on so many lives and many more to come into Pingalwara, I have yet to write about first hand experiences that Bhagat ji gave to many children and look forward to hearing how their lives were touched and changed forever.

There was also a seminar at Guru Nanak Dev Ji University about the environmental challenges and social responsibility in Punjab. This was an immensely informative seminar even on the basis that I knew nothing about the subject, how farmers in Punjab use chemicals and pesticides which result in ill health, pollution and may other fatalities both to the population and environment. We visited the farm which is the example of natural farming and it was great to see something being practiced rather than preached. The work Biji is carrying out is a true testimony of Bhagats Ji’s vision and aspirations of what life should be lived by the average person living in Punjab.

All I can say at this point is: The more I learn the less I know!

A hospital is currently being built in the grounds of Pingalwara but this does not deter the patient numbers and wounded coming in so blood is needed on a regular basis. It was my good fortune to see such a brilliant turn out of healthy people wanting to give something to the needy and less fortunate at the blood drive. It was great to see the younger generation so willing to give without question of why and how? Some younger girls however were underweight a so disappointed and dishearten when rejected to giving blood. Making them understand their intent and being there they have served their purpose and the have reaped the fruits from God was important.

My message:

True knowledge is the service of eternal values, the service of god, the service of humanity, the service of the poor and lowly. Dr Radhakrishan philosopher and former president of India.

Along with prayers in his memory there was also a cultural evening which the children have been practicing for weeks and weeks, the time and dedication by staff and children was great to see but my heart poured our to those who children who could not be part of the celebrations for whatever reason. One particular girl pulled the strings of my heart the moment I saw her on my first day, she since recognises my voice and touch - her name Jeevanjot (life of light) she is totally blind, so I took her to try and attempt to be her eyes. Again why could she not enjoy the music and laughter? All her other senses are available for her to have a full life but not the time and understanding of others.

The 21 year old breadwinner...

2008-08-13T22:27:00.000-07:00

Pushpa’s father passed away when she was only 15 years old, her mother could not endure the heartache and stopped living a normal life, she could not gain strength from her children nor from god which is so very unfortunate for all – this is when faith truly becomes the pillar of existence. She gave up on life and when Pushpa was 17 years old her younger sister who was a little unwell passed away at the tender age of 14, this was the straw that broke the camels back for Pushpa’s mother and 5 days later she too passed away in her daughters arms.

Pushpa now works for 2,400 rupees ($50 dollars) a month where she is the sole breadwinner and looks after her younger brother (16) and sister (15). She endeavours to give them a good quality of life and her life is no longer a priority. As we were shopping I realised that her needs have been on the backburner for many years, the prices were too high or she remembered that her siblings needed something more. God blessed me with the opportunity to treat her, the expression in her eyes and love that she showered thereafter was priceless…

I then reflected her story to my own reality well to my own so called truth … what a delusion my nephew is only a year younger than Pushpa, yes he too has had testing times but nothing in comparison. He has not a worry to vend for others, his expenditure is taken care of and he works for the family business not to mention he is loved immensely by his elders… what a different world to Pushpas and other 21 year olds who are educating themselves for a better life.

Her so called relatives have also shown their true colours by stating that her parents are dead and you children are a burden. Her faith in God has very much faltered she questions his will and blessings

What has he done for me?
He has written nothing but sorrow in my life?
I feel as I though I am burden to this life?
I cannot see light at the end of the tunnel and I accept my life to be filled with sorrow.

What words can heal such wounds? What can one say to someone?
Only those who have experienced such devastation can understand or have a inclination of the pain the other person is enduring.

I could only give examples of how came out of the devastation in my life, how I overcame the biggest test of my life and not to mention regained faith in God after loosing everything I believed in.

One can only share, hope and pray that Pushpa can find it in her heart to embrace the love she once had for God and accept his will, but its so much easier said than done!

For those who know me very well... I never shut up but hearing stories likes Pushpha’s story I am left speechless on a regular basis, I am left in awe and utter shock at the same time.

That said I now feel it’s always about ones outlook on life, as they say do you see you glass as half empty or full?

A place in my heart

2008-07-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

Living conditions in India are bad enough generally and there is no difference here, what I am seeing and feeling is the way these people live their everyday lives but this is their truth… their reality and what a reality it is! I’ve not been well past couple of days locked away in my room and it just feels as though I am unable to fight the bugs and weaknesses caused by the hot weather, I have never experienced such ill health as I have these past three weeks. I feel as though god tests are relentless and are forthcoming on a regular basis, its feels easier to say GOD I’ve had enough and your making it harder for me… so GOOD BYE!
Can I?
No… I cannot leave these children without enriching their lives in a little tiny way. But its so difficult and sometimes it does feel as though your not the right person for this especially when the mind kicks in.

That said remember the little girl I mentioned last week, Pooja… well I spoke with her on Monday about what she felt when her friend was being taking by her mother. Her response as felt that was:

“If I had a mummy and pappa they too would take me home and bring me back, but I don’t and I know this”

BANG… the following conversation took place:

Me “well I cannot be either your mummy or pappa, but at any time you feel as though you want a hug or kiss say Deedee (sister) and I will automatically know what you want”
Pooja “but there was another Deedee from abroad who loved me but left me”
Me “ well how about if we both have a place in each others heart, so no matter where we are no one can ever take that from us”
Pooja “are you sure, so are you in my heart?
Me “Yes”
Pooja “Am I in yours?”
Me “Yes”

The smile and the hug I received after that was amazing… her eyes… and the feeling yes I too am loved was truly touching!

Pooja

They also has a olden folks day where all the ladies from surrounding villages came to show the children how they used to amuse themselves and the daily chores, it was fun trying to make some cotton, to see how fresh yoghurt was made and the dancing was a laugh…

My kids had so so much fun, dancing with everyone else and feeling part of something! I wouldn’t dance as I was taking photos but then could not refuse Shabi who looked at me as though it was the last request of his life… dancing in the heat what an experience not to be forgotten .

Students part of the audience

Students dancing on stage... many more dance scenes to come

I met with the director of academics at miri piri academy last week and its great they are enthusiastic to work with our kids later this year so that will be an exciting time for all. I have not been in school and hoping to go tomorrow and organise our next day out on friday, we will go to the supermarket and take 2 of the crowd gathering.

Til then … God bless us all…

To take for granted...

2008-07-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

Chilling out in the village (pind) I was reminiscing the events of the past week and it made me think about my recent trip New York where I brought back gifts without a moment of thought. How my nephews received, designer tops, timberland boots, puma and Nike trainers, basketball gear and so on... but do they know how fortunate they are? Do we realise how lucky we are? the answer: NO… NO WAY! We simply make money and can so casually purchase items of our choice

Another volunteer/friend from the UK kamal decided to buy the girls at the hostel new outfits…donors pour donations by the bucket full and receiving clothes and personal choice are two different things. How ungrateful we are to our parents who have sacrificed so much so we can have our pleasures? Have we ever thanked them for small mercies?

Speaking of parents I was watching a film today Bhagban and by GOD it makes you realise what our generation is about.

Our parents teach us how to walk, talk and play, they sacrificed their dreams to make ours come true they went to sleep hungry making sure our tummies were full! They fulfilled our every need and desire without a moments hesitation and felt more pain when they could not.

So…

- Why is it a chore for us to provide for our parents when they are unable to do so?
- Why is when they need funds we look at our accounts and frown?
- Why cannot we give them light when they feel darkness of their old age?
- Why are we not their strength when they become weak and fragile?

Especially when we owe our whole lives to them…

At the end of the film the actor made such a valid point about the meaning of relationships developed in this day and age. No longer are they based upon loyalty, honesty and integrity. They are about selfish motives how one can use such relationship to better themselves. Parents are not ladders, the first rung and once used thrown away like old clothes and dirty pots and pans. In fact parents are roots of trees no matter how fruitful or big the tree grows it roots remain the foundation and without them the whole tree is lifeless and futile.

Wow… such a powerful message to us all about our parents! If there is one thing I will NEVER regret it is telling those close to me how much I love them and how much value they have in my life. No one knows our fate and Gods will, so why wait till tomorrow to express your feelings because trust me when I say you never know…

“You may not see that person ever again…”

Our first day out...

2008-07-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

My eldest brother who is god sent and holds a very high position in my life, 2nd to my dad sent me some amazing reading. This has really helped in terms of trying to work out what Gods plan for everyone, it is so simple but so immensely difficult to achieve hence why Kabir Ji (a revolutionary saint-poet from Indian history) says only those blessed can really achieve it.

To realise that true happiness and peace is within us and not from an outward source. Many of us including myself search the outside to give us contentment of the mind, body and soul. It is when the materialistic things or family attachments are taken away we have no choice but to go within and realise a higher truth. That truth which so many are ignorant and choose not to believe, the question here is why?

Maybe is has something to do with fear or maybe even denial.

Speaking of ignorance my first day out with my kids with special needs was so cool, not literally! We went to the golden temple and grab a bite to eat…the kids loved it – to feel some value and respect seemed such an alienated concept, but the glint in their eyes well…. What can I say! I loved every second of it and the bearing with the hot weather made every moment worth it.

I think I am used to people glaring at me for whatever reason but today we had crowds of people stopping to look at me and the kids! Why????

All sorts of questions were firing in my mind…are these not children of God? Do they not have that spark of light from the divine flame? Are they not human beings like all of us and deserve respect and love?

I thought U.K was bad but this was beyond words, in fact I was shocked it felt as though people were asking: why are these people here? What is she doing with those children… oh my god what’s happening here!!!! I even saw fear in a womans eyes when she saw one of my kids with Downs Gurpal, she grabbed her daughter and let out a little scream! I was like he’s smiling he means no harm so why would you do that… did that phase Gurpal? Hell no he just giggled oblivious and folded his hands to everyone he walked passed. I was also surprised to how people received his gestures… with a smile and reciprocated his folded hands gesture so it wasn’t all bad I guess…

Some of the kids in the hostel are deaf and go back home every 4th weekend, this next incident pierced through my heart and I was in tears when I recollected to someone I met earlier… a number children were so happy to be going home they were talking about it for days and you knew exactly what their bright eyes and smiles were awaiting. A little girl ran into her mothers arms knowing she was going home, it was the girl behind her that grabbed my attention her eyes were screaming emotion – who was going to take me home? Where is my mummy? Oh man… this you could say was one of my most helpless moments… the image of her eyes will remain with me for the rest of my life…

I am finding as the days go by that there is more and more heartache and pain, centering myself has been my priority and I remember my dads words on a daily basis and now know exactly what he meant when he said:

“You cannot light another’s path if your own is not lit”

The journey truly begins...

2008-07-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

Now that all the posts are updated…I can breathe…

Things happen for a reason we all know that… for example; My nephew Aaron wrote a heart warming email a day after I left but I could not access it until I had been through the mill, his words lifted me and reminded me why I was here. My brothers have also given me strength beyond words they are my rocks and a true blessing from God! Even my darling Bhuaa Ji called at a time where I was feeling depleted so I have to hang on to such heartwarming and comforting words from friends and family. I have noticed I have been approaching my experiences on an emotional which have caused both conflict, pain and frustration – my focus needs to be bring light and hope into peoples lives …

I got online yesterday yes the wireless connection in Amritsar... from the luxury of my room! What a mad few days … I have been biten by the dreaded Indian mosquito’s the one night I did not apply my boots 50% deet lotion.. TYPICAL! I’ve also had the flu over the weekend, yea like an mad woman was in 40 degrees hot weather and then stood right in front the air conditioning unit... also been having severe headaches again due to the weather...Saying that I have been blessed over the past week and half, my sanctuary of peace and stillness has been in the Golden Temple, where I try my utmost to visit everyday! This is truly a life saver where I feel that someone is walking with me and has his hand on my head. There is no doubt its extremely hard here, guess I didn’t think it would be! Away from my family is one thing but being surrounded by kids 24/7 in the heat…you surrounded by the body heat and humidity the mind gets agitated but its vital not to let me mind control things… but how hard is that?

The kids are truly brilliant and certainly remind me daily to why I am here… their smiles, the innocent love in their eyes and not to mention the vibration of their pure spirits.

Me and lovely Kirandeep... her smile would never convince you she is in a world of silence!

I have been working within special needs department where we identified what is going to be needed… Its going to be such a magical experience to see these kids grow and blossom, we are introducing a specialised language designed for children with special educational needs. We are doing a pilot study with 4 students and then god willing set precedence for the rest of the class.

Sabhi, Gurpal, Me, Pinky and Yashoda

We are going for a our 1st outing on Friday its going to be very interesting – We are also devising some training materials for the staff to give an insight to certain subjects within the complex - education for all on various levels alongside being part of the SMS project where deaf children can text and communicate via mobile phone…This is a real exciting time but that said I have yet to get my routine and structure in place which again is proving to be difficult but all in good time I guess.

Until another few days…

My love

climate change... :-(

2008-07-18T19:00:00.001-07:00

Not been a good few days I will be going back home to the family (village) I have had tummy problems and heatwave. This is crazy weather where people who live here cannot handle the heat so god knows how I am coping. Well I’m not… I have been on a rice and dhal diet which is nasty after eating it three times a day… URGH!! I so miss my Chinese and Italian food and it’s only been a week. Seems I have been here a lifetime… had to wash my own clothes too… ok I tried but the girls helped me…The washing machine is in the boys’ hostel so again Gods giving me another challenge to face. That said I met a lovely man RP uncle ji who works in the deaf school, it was so refreshing to speak to someone passionate about his work after being in the Punjab army for 32 years he now does sewa at the school.

I’d be lying if I said this is not tough but then I received a couple of messages to keep me going…again on the wall:

THE MORE YOU GIVE THE MORE YOU GROW IN SPIRIT

And I was lucky to get another:

BE HUMBLE AND YOUR PRAYER WILL PIERCE THROUGH ALL THE CLOUDS AND REACH THE THRONE OF GOD!

My 1st day at School...

2008-07-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

What was to be an enjoyable 1st day turned out to be a test beyond my comprehension. No matter how much you try and prepare nothing can I mean NOTHING could have prepared me for what I endured today. GOD was truly relentless in terms of showing me everything in one go, I’d like to think I am a strong person for what I have seen in life but with much effort I tried not to cry on three separate occasions. I was given a tour of the Women’s, Men’s and Children’s ward, even as I type this I am distressed remembering the images that will remain with me for a life time. Some were awaiting death, others oblivious to their surroundings and another given birth and has no recollection of her baby.

I repeated profusely like a mantra “I would not be here if GOD did not think I could handle this”.

This has lead to the questions of my ability: Am I really ready for this? Can I really handle this? Am I the right person? Time will tell.

On a lighter note I went to the Special Needs department there is so much work to be done, its going to be an amazing challenge and journey. I was speaking to a young lady who gave me a tour of the wards – she was born here within Pingalwara her mother was admitted whilst pregnant, she had been brought up like a daughter then Biji conducted her marriage and now she has a gorgeous little girl. She also works in the special needs department in the complex which was so heartwarming.

The children are amazing and there is so much unconditional love around but its about tuning in and channeling it appropriately.

My KING size room...

2008-07-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

After spending a few days with family I was ready to settle into what was to be my home for the 6 months. Long term stay has now been changed from staying in the guest house (short term use) to the girls accommodation. I was in a huge room, 4 times the size back home and there was definitely NO walking corridor through the room (for those who know exactly what I mean :-P). anyway I was welcomed with open arms by a few of the girls which was great I was too scared to sleep alone in a huge room not to mention Indian LIZARDS… I cannot stand them! I ended up staying with 2 girls, they were both abandoned - one at the tender age of 3 months at a train station and the other when she was 3 years old roaming the streets. Their smiles would light up any room and the love they crave is just something we all take for granted.

When asked what do you think would have happened to you if you were not here?

We would have been killed.

Now what do you say to that?

Arrived on india soil

2008-07-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

Arriving here in India you smell the air as soon as you get off plane. My meeting with the president Bibi Inderjit Kaur also known lovingly as Biji of Pingalwara was great, my role and Sewa (selfless service) was discussed in greater detail there is much being done and so much more to do. I was taken around the museum where I found that the first person with a disability was carried on the founders Bhagat Puran Singh Ji’s back all the way from Lahore to Amritsar. I don’t believe in coincidences and the mans name was PIARA SINGH my daddy ji’s name so I ultimately knew I was meant to be here.

From a young age my dad has always been my inspiration, he has taught me everything I know and not to mention his wisdom has been passed to all his children. Dad always taught us about being good human beings that is the 1st step of spirituality then religion can be embraced when one is ready.

Dad as most people know is my best friend, my father and my spiritual guide or Guru however you wish to term it, he fills our hearts with love and gives us faith to believe dreams and aspirations are possible. Where the sky is the limit and the only person holding you back is you… so with that said messages in whatever form have been part of my live since I can remember, messages come in all forms and from anywhere if your open to them. For example: when you have asked a question from your heart and you know it could make or break you – someone out of the blue gives you the answer, or you read a article in a newspaper and so on ...there it is God or a higher consciousness is communicating… be open and then you know where it came from…

There are many quotes and passages written on the walls and doors of pingalwara and my message from the man upstairs to welcome me here was:

LOVE THOU EVERYONE IN GOD AND LOVE THOU GOD
KINDLE THE LIGHT AND THE LIGHT IS WITHIN YOU

I don’t know what awaits my fate here only God can show me the way!

Good byes!

2008-07-07T16:54:00.000-07:00

I must say I am very blessed to have born in such a loving family and have beautiful friends. I had a number of good bye meals and outings with everyone which was so so cool…I received such heartfelt messages you can but only feel blessed. My good byes were sad and upsetting I knew I was loved but how much I guess I underestimated – being at the airport with my family touched my spirit to and confirmed that I have been dutiful in my roles as a daughter, sister and bhua ji (aunty). Words cannot even describe the feeling of pleasure and pride when your family bid farewell and the messages they send through their eyes.

I can only hope my journey to India will inspire other like minded people to follow their hearts and passion for what they believe. This trip will be about realisations of life and the beyond.

I will miss everyone dearly

Heartfelt Thanks to all in my life!

Getting Ready!

2008-06-17T12:53:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone...

Where does one start?

Well!!! booked my ticket - i'm leaving the UK 9th July but before that I am travelling to Ireland for a Faith Matters Panel meeting...thats going to be very interesting!

The more I think about this trip the more I realise its actually happening! One discusses, dreams and hopes but God has blessed me with this opportunity to make this a reality!

I was asked yesterday What am I expecting?

To be honest i'm not sure... I am going with the flow and letting god show me the path! I will reach whatever destination he chooses for me but the real task is how I tread the journey!

Its going to be an emotional rollarcoaster with everyone!!! it already begun with MUM, bless her heart she won't be sleeping for 6 months!

Let the journey begin...